Bios: Dr Precum, Jmil, Kevin, Maximus, Nici, Niko, Perv, Samazon, Timorri, TJ

Dr Precum - I’ve known the Naked Ninjas for many years now, having had many fun times with them their first year as a group on the playa in ’06. Once I finally found the correct “white vinyl geodome” (could there be more geodomes??) I was welcomed into their sweet sweet air conditioned love shack and treated to many fun adventures with them that Burn. I’ve camped with Mad Flava and Pancake Playhouse in the past, had many great times with them, and they are all still great friends. When I found out that a bunch of cool peeps from San Diego were going to the Burn together for the first time, including many excited virgins, I thought it would be fun to join the party and join the camp. It was an amazing trip we all had together! Each Burn is different and special, and camping with the Ninjas in ’08 was absolutely no different. Everyone gelled so incredibly from the very beginning, it was awesome to see and be a part of.

Somehow I was appointed the “cruise director” that year and thus had a lot of fun herding the pack of goofy fun-loving Ninjas all around the playa in search of new fun and random adventures. The best part is that we always had a fabulous time no matter where we went. Yes, because we had each other, awwwwwww. From running around trying to find misplaced bikes, to taking drunken shelter from the non-stop dust storms, to staying at Temple of Breaks to watch the sunrise, I loved every minute of it! I am especially glad that all our virgins had such a great first Burn and have brought new life, energy, and precum to the playa!

Even better, the party didn’t stop once we got back to banality. I don’t think a week went by that we didn’t hang out with each other. My entire week at Burning Man I always feel completely happy, carefree, and ALIVE. So spending time with the Ninjas let’s us all feel some of that joy even if the Burn is many months away. They threw an amazing party for my grad school graduation. Tried to sabotage my move to Colorado with an epic gay bar crawl. So it has been really hard having to say so long for now and move to Colorado in January to start my new job. Though it makes me look forward to going to the playa with them all again this year even more exciting!

I am thrilled about our camp this year and so glad that we are putting in the creative energy to become a full on theme camp, soup up a rad art car, and then use it all to have big gay fun and give back to all our random just met friends on the playa. I also look forward to doing double-duty once again and serving up the hot cakes and soft rock at Pancake Playhouse in the morning. I’m a total camp ho!

JMil - Within our group, I'm know as the Frack to Timorri's Frick and I have no problems taking on those not-so-fun to manage tasks to make sure they get done for the group. With my first burn only being in 2008, I'm still new to the Burning Man community as a whole but have felt so blessed to have such an amazing connection with my fellow Naked Ninjas as well as to many fellow Burners located in the San Diego area.

Last year, as we drove into BRC I was so unprepared for what an amazing, spiritual week that I was going to have. It had such an effect on me that I left the playa craving more opportunities to really give back to the community. Luckily, my friend Dr. Sully (precum!) introduced me to some fellow Burner friends (a.k.a. Pancakers) and was able to start donating my time in helping with the amazing Burner without Border events that have been held in the San Diego area.

These opportunities have started to fill a much needed void in my life. For so long, I didn't realize how much I needed my Burning Man family. And as I start to prepare for my second year on the playa, I'm so excited about the new souls I will meet who will touch me and inspire me to be more.  

Kevin - No, I admit I am a product of stringent Christianity and developmental hippie type Parental Units, this leading to quite a mixed bag of BULL SHIT, and living in SD I discovered the freedom in the desert party scene: creative, playful, encouraging. Then became bored, or rather frustrated with the lack of realism or sincerity of the people.  People just out to achieve their own agenda. "Me first and only and fuck you." 

While in my "real life" my household was practicing on "open community" called "Rumies field" that was full of empathic, supportive, heart centered people that practiced compassionate communication, and healing. 
What a dichotomy......Yea I had my job and carrier focus.. well somewhat, (builder of earthships, straw bale, cal-Earth domes, passive solar/eco-design) and all of that was kind of before its time. People did not know what to make out of it and neither did the banks, in order to finance them.
I was left with a real mixed bag. A lost place kind of sense. 
Then thru the contacts with people I had met in the International Communities Directory, I turned towards THE BURN. 
During my first burn with my mom and brother. I became sick (power driving not recommended) and had only a short but valiant exposure to BM @ 1500 people.  What an opportunity.  I did not know what I had in front of me, and I was HOOKED.. I slowly started to shed my self doubt and my shy manners.  It has been a slow process I will admit, remembering sometimes and forgetting in others. Kind of in limbo at times not knowing or having the the support/direction, EVEN READY TO THROW IN THE PLAYA COAT at times..until I met my NAKED NINJAS.
The instant connection, empathy, compassion, support and concern, infinite play and constructive banter, is breath taking and tear jerking.  WE have been accused of being enablers, or even encourageable.  But thru all the time together integrity, respect, support, and empowerment have ALWAYS been traits of MY NINJAS.



Maximus - Maximus ‘The Oracle’ Jones was born on August 25, 2008 in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Reno, Nevada.  I’m named after a six foot blonde’s favorite personal lubricant.  ‘Nuff said. 

I like to keep things as simple as possible.  I came out to California to simplify my life.  Maybe that’s why I appreciate this year’s theme so much.  Evolution.  The evolution of my consciousness has led me back to the truth - that the things in life that matter the most are the most basic.  It isn’t about possessions or perceptions.  What matters is that we pursue what makes us happy.  It is about being the kind of person you would like to meet.  It is about caring for your friends and loved ones and giving back to the people that enrich your life.  I can give the love of one, but receive the love of many in return.  These are the things that make us rich.  My personal and spiritual growth has ‘evolved’  to believe these things – and Burning Man provides my annual affirmation. 

I’ve searched my whole life to find the love that I’ve experienced from the Burning Man community.  My mind was not prepared to handle all the input it was about to receive when the greeter threw his arms around me and shouted ‘Welcome Home’…  I didn’t really get it at the time, but it is something that I always remembered and will never forget.  That’s what is so great about the Black Rock City community (no matter where they actually are)… the ability to truly be yourself and be accepted.  To be ‘home’.

Although many of us have known each other for years, my inclusion in the Naked Ninjas was forged at last year’s burn.  We became a family on that trip, and have only continued to grow closer.  They’ve helped show me how much fun it can be to express my inner silly.  I’m speechless when it comes to how I feel about them – the Naked Ninjas are my best friends. 

If you see me on the playa, please say ‘hello’.  I would love to meet you too… 


Nici- All your Naked Ninja's are belong to me!!!

While I did camp with the original cast and crew and the sequel in the following year, I moved to San Francisco at the end of 2006 and have now found a home amongst the Gigsville population. 

I like to think of myself as an honorary Naked Ninja member and you'll see me swing thru camp at least 3 or 4 times a week out on the playa, usually screaming about wanting, no DEMANDING Bacon and then slamming Irish Car Bombs with Poppleton (unless TJ breaks the huge bottle of Bailey's in the middle of a dust storm, but I digress). 

Naked Ninja's are a way of life, a brilliant spark of community within an ever increasing diaspora ... and never forget the walkie talkie battle call - AFLAC!!!! (thanks Joshie)"


Niko - I feel the need to clear up some rumors that have been flying around about me. This forum shall set the record straight, and also serve as a conduit for my future, nefarious, plans of conquest and ribaldry. 

I was born in 1902. Even at a young age I was adventurous and dashingly handsome. Poverty however meant I was consigned to work in a coal mine. The conditions of my labor were harsh, and I was often forced to work 25 hours a day, having to wake an hour before I went to bed to toil in those accursed mines. My first grasp at greatness occurred in Courrieres France in 1906, when a coal dust explosion killed 1060 people. I was able to crawl out while towing 14 miners on a line I fashioned from goat hairs. I was given the moniker "Savior of Courrieres" and allowed to command of an expeditionary force to hunt and kill the Yeti in Nepal. During my summit of K2 in 1905 I was caught by a gust of wind and blown into a crevasse where I froze solid. Once discovered by Sherpas, I was taken to Kathmandu where I was worshiped as a manifestation of the Bodhisattva by Nepalese boulangers. During my long icy imprisonment I survived by devouring the pure moxie of which I am chocked full. 

In 1964 I finally thawed enough to single handedly invent the jet aircraft, and used my invention to intercept and diffuse a bomb placed on Sputnik, designed by the rotten Bolsheviks to thwart the spirit and determination of the Aleutian Island natives. In 1959 after saving the Inuit from almost certain disaster, I floated around the world on a plastic milk carton to draw attention to the ecological impacts of Polyvinyl chlorate containers. When I reached Panama I dug the canal so I could continue my voyage. When I reached Cape Horn I smote apartheid by competing in a strong man competition with South Africa's national lemur wrestling champion. His humiliation continues to this day. The Foo Fighter's latest song titled "Lemur wrestlers are pussies" is still number one on the Billboard Charts, becoming so popular Obama is replacing "Hail to the Chief" with it. 

Other things you might not knw about me.

  • My superpowers include the ability to turn traffic signals from red to green.
  • I once stared a man to death.
  • My eye teeth have an HRC rating of 150 making them harder than diamond.
  • My spleen was and remains the spleen of fury. Anger my internal organs at your own peril.
  • I am the only person to have ever been declared a national monument. There are three park rangers assigned to me at all times.


Perv - There should be two apparently unrelated bios here.

The first one would be quite a bit longer. In it, you'd read about academics, achievement, and a military career abbreviated by Pentagon budget cuts. There would be success and failure, love and war, hopes and dashed and realized. It would feature exciting things like jets launching and landing on aircraft carriers, sublime things like effortlessly surfing on silvery clouds across clear nighttime starry skies stretching from horizon to horizon, and banal things like nine months of reading the same porn stash over and over again in international waters. The last chapter would be titled, "Making the Best of a Second-Best Option That Turns Out to be the Best Option You Didn't Understand."

The first bio might possibly be utterly uninteresting and trivial compared to the second bio.

The second bio begins with a detonation of positive energy approximately equal to the combined power of the Death Star firing at an exploding warp core while a Vorlon ship emerges from an opening Stargate just before being struck by a wave motion cannon firing through a fleet of Super Dimensional Fortresses channeling Minmay J-Pop through the voicebox of a Stage 3 Guild Navigator folding space in the vicinity of V-Ger's Machine World while Major Kusanagi machine-guns errant robots on its surface. We will define this event as Time Zero, which released 1 Awesomeness Unit (AU) of positive energy into my universe. More loosely defined, it was the moment I stepped into the Naked Ninjas camp on the Playa and realized I was home.

Since then I've been catapulted into an alternate universe where happiness is an unregulated commodity and people are there to be discovered, explored, and cherished. This diversion was not on the flight plan, has no defined destination, and is a little unnerving at times. 

So in summary, the second bio is a work in progress. So far so good!


Samazon - On August 31st, 2002 I lost my mother to cancer. But, despite what you may think, this is not a sad story: this is actually a story about coming full-circle---a story about love to loss to redemption and back around to love again. Allow me to explain.

After my mother died, I felt so incredibly lost: someone that had always given me guidance, someone that I loved and respected very deeply and that I always relied on to be there, was suddenly no longer around to give me those wonderful gifts. My brother and sister drifted away, my family was broken. I felt as if I had no compass: I was floating without a purpose and without the knowledge, energy or even desire to pull myself out of the sea of grief. Over time, I gradually recovered (as most people do): I relied heavily on the support of my husband and friends; I found a job that fulfilled me in ways I didn’t even know I was missing. Time moved forward.

And then, last year, I rediscovered my family. Not that aforementioned brother and sister related by blood. No, I’m speaking of the incredible group of individuals I was fortunate enough to camp with at Burning Man—my fellow Naked Ninjas. Even though I am, in many ways, just now getting to know them, I feel as if I am at home with them: safe, accepted and loved just the way I am.  And the amazing thing is, I feel this way about the entire Burner community as a whole. How can thousands of strangers embrace me unconditionally, without even knowing me? To me, that is the magic of Burning Man and all of those involved. The thing that makes the Burn completely, absolutely worth it, dusty, hot and sometimes uncomfortable as it is. And last, but certainly not least, the completion of that life-circle back to love.


Timorri - In 2008 I made my first and long-awaited trip to Burning Man, 14 years after making the decision that “someday” I would go. After arriving on the playa, I was in absolute awe and immediately at home in the mind-blowing and wonderful chaos. From the intense and overpowering experience at the temple after just losing my mom four months prior…to the ridiculous Pac Man ghost encounter with JMil on the playa...and the tummy-warming Chai tea a kind soul shared at sunrise, I have so many positive recollections from my first burn.

I kicked myself for not making the trip sooner, but quickly realized it was worth the wait as I had the right companions for my incredible journey. What began as mostly casual acquaintances and unknown caravaners have since transformed into my closest, dearest and craziest friends. In less than a year they've given me a lifetime of memories, not to mention some strong-ass abs from the countless episodes of belly laughs.

Since then, I’ve continued to be amazed at the generosity, kindness, beauty and creativity of all the wonderful souls I've met through the Burning Man community. These deep connections have enabled me to transform and grow in ways I never thought possible, greatly reawakening my creativity and realizing the immense joy of true self expression. And, damn…did I mention all the fun? The best part about all of this: It’s no longer a Burning Man thing, but rather the everyday life I now share with my Naked Ninjas.

TJ - Known both on and off the Playa as TJ... has been a Burner since 2003.  Since that initial pilgrimage to the playa he has returned to the outside world telling others of the joys and happiness that can be found at Burning Man.  He has been attributed with the saying "Burning Man is Everything and Nothing all at the same time".  Like most that come to the burn, TJ enjoys spending time with his friends, and wandering around making new ones.  

With this year's Mutation Station... one can expect crazy colored goatee, clothes, and skin!



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